If you landed here, chances are that you recognise yourself in what I call Good Girl Syndrome. And the souls who arrive here are kindred sisters.

Characteristics of good girl syndrome are:

  • people pleasing which can lead to fear of disappointing others
  • fear of speaking out for fear of hurting others. This may lead to you avoiding conflict and finding it difficult to refuse others.

In addition, you may feel that you must always excel, obey rules, and another key challenge is not having healthy personal boundaries. Good Girls have also been conditioned to compromise and shrink themselves, in order to be liked.

Does this sound like you?

Did you abandoned yourself along the way?

Deep down, you know that something feels off. You have not been listening to your body, because you have been listening to everybody else’s expectations. On the outside your life looks good, friends or family would certainly not dream that you are anything other than fulfilled and happy. You have been doing all the so-called right things, but that hasn’t got you what you desperately want: love, acceptance and a sense of your own worth. And it doesn’t matter how much you please or conform, it never seems to get you any closer. Instead you live in fear of judgment – fear of not being enough, fear of being wrong, fear of rejection.

The other problem with being a good girl is life becomes rigid and limiting. It doesn’t allow you to fully be yourself. Perhaps you have had momentary thoughts that maybe you could make a change, but in the end, you don’t dare rock the boat. Afraid that if you did, you would disappoint everyone. Worse yet? If they found out who you really were, no one would love you. So the good girl role forces us to conform, concede, and play it safe.

My name is Pia Prana, and I work with women just like you

Are you feeling like this?

 I have trouble advocating for myself 

I am highly attuned to others, which leads me to self-sacrifice or neglect myself. It means I don’t always stand up for what I believe in or go after my own dreams.

 I feel obligated 

I do things out of obligation and then I experience frustration. This leads to a cycle of feeling mad at the person I have helped for taking advantage. And then feeling regretful or sorry for myself.

 I feel drained and stressed 

Due to an over-developed sense of personal responsibility, I feel it is my job to make sure everyone else is happy. I am quick to offer help even before I am asked. I spread myself so thin, even to the point of burnout.

 I have a low opinion of myself 

I believe that I have to please others or they’ll reject, leave, or belittle me. Deep down inside, I don’t believe I am enough. I have created a situation where I feel unworthy or unlovable when I don’t please others.

 I am too agreeable 

I obsess about being liked. So I bend over backward to get on everyone’s good side. Even when I disagree, I go along with other’s opinions just to be liked. I don’t want to give anyone an excuse not to like me.

 I hide my true emotions 

I suppress my feelings. Instead of expressing, I push my emotions down, ignore or overlook them. I do not want people to know that I have feelings, because it might make them feel uncomfortable.

 I feel I lack authenticity 

I am often changing who I am or what I think to fit in. The constant editing of myself and hiding my true feelings, makes it difficult for me to let other people get to know the real me. Sometimes I have the feeling I don’t know myself.

 I feel taken for granted 

I put so much efforts into making sure that I meet other people’s expectations. Then I find myself feeling resentful. Yet while people might appreciate my giving nature, they may also begin to take my kindness and attentiveness for granted.

 I fear rejection 

I take the slightest bit of criticism as rejection. People think I am too sensitive because of the way I react to anything I perceive as a negative assessment. I crave the approval of others and I even see a criticism as a reprimand, even if it is said to help me improve.

 Conflict REALLY upsets me 

Trying to please everyone means always complying, never complaining or disagreeing. When I am involved in an argument, instead of addressing the issue, I quickly make excuses for the other person. Or I keep quiet and ignore the matter altogether.

 I struggle to say no 

When anyone needs a favour or help, they come to me because I rarely say no. No matter how inconvenient or difficult the request is. I feel guilty when I tell others no, so I make excuses for my inability to participate. That way I can also avoid disappointing others.

 I don’t know what I need 

It is common for me to sacrifice my time, sanity, and well-being in the interest of others. I regularly neglect my own needs in sacrifice to everyone else. Half the time, I am not even aware of my needs or feelings. So if asked, it is hard for me to respond. Instead I smile brightly and assure everyone that I am ok.

Are you missing your authenticity?

Isn’t being a good girl a wonderful thing you may ask? It would certainly seem that trying to make others happy would be a good thing.

But it’s a little more complicated than that. By always focusing on others and putting others first, you neglect yourself. And you fail to recognise and value yourself and your needs. You end up doing a lot of things out of obligation, to meet other people’s expectations, rather than because you want to do them or they align with your goals. Being a Good Girl doesn’t allow you to be fully yourself and in the end, you experience a loss of identity.

Essentially, if you give and give and give, you’ll have nothing left for yourself and you’ll end up sick, exhausted, and resentful. 

If another’s needs come before your own and no one else truly knows what you need or want, you unconsciously starve ourselves from nurturance and love.

When you put other’s needs ahead of your own, you betray your inner authority and knowing, which prevents us from connecting with your true authenticity.

If you identify as a Good Girl, or a Recovering Good Girl, perhaps now is the time for you to explore how you can start nourishing and prioritising a loving relationship with yourself.

If you identify as a Good Girl, or a Recovering Good Girl, perhaps now is the time for you to explore how you can start nourishing and prioritising a loving relationship with yourself.

Are you ready to do the inner work to bring you back home?

When you walk through life as a Good Girl, it is like walking through a foreign landscape, a forest, without a compass. You end up fumbling in the dark. It does not matter how much you look around for signs where you need to go, you will not reach your so-called destination. Inner work is an act of self-love and the journey is an inside job; an inward journey to discover the things that make you feel most alive. Your journey will require you to develop what I call “My Inner Compass”. Instead of asking what you should do, consider who you want to be. Where the compass ultimately points you back home.

Pia’s retreat ‘Awakening of Love’ completely and utterly changed the way I saw my world, my body and mind. It was completely transformational for me. Pia as a facilitator is so warm, open and inviting you just to be you. She he is simply amazing!

Andrea Lomas-Gong

Head of Group Spa Operations Mandarin Oriental Hotel Group

Interested in Working with Me?

Contact me today to open up to the wealth that lives within you.
And start to reconnect with your Inner Compass: and rediscover the magnificent and unique being you truly are!